my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
