Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I need water and some morals
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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