Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
