i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You dont lie about slip and slides
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
