I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
