Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i love accidental penises.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I will pee on everything he values.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
the liver wants what the liver wants
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
