she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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