my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
