don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
