so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sorry about my life...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize