If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
