I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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