Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
