? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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