Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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