I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
