I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
