His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
is it fun? or sober?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
