my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
