new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
