Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
