I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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