if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just got carded by a ten year old.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
