my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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