Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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