I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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