getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
