dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
