i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
