So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
