Can i not drive my cunt home
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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