Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
