I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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