Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
