I will die if light touches me.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
