i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
