I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
