i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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