we have pet lesbian snakes
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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