why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
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The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
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Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.