I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
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so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
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How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk