she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
