you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way