and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
