The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
