break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
too bad you live with your parents still
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
