i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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