I wish I could punch you in the face.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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