Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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