Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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