He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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