so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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