you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
