This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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