I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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