Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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