We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
