At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
