If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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