Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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