According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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