the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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