So gin and wine won't be happening again
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
