You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Randomize
