My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
