i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm at about main and main street
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
