I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
