Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
