he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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