when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
