OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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