porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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