I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
