I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
