I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
