Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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