You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize
