Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i think im in europe. pls send help
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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