I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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