please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
